Effective Communication Between Folks is Difficult When People are Busy Filling in the gaps of information with their own past stories from life.
This is a sliver of Brene Brown’s social research mixed with my invaluable training from The Natale Institute about this subject.
When someone is telling you something, a story or something about them self a phenomena happens if the listener does not practice effective listening. The listener will hear one or two points then their brain will take from one of their own stories from life and fill in the missing pieces. It then becomes familiar and understandable that way. That can easily lead to inaccurate judgments and decisions being made.
That moment is what causes so many difficulties. When people do not have facts straight they then share with others a lie that can be the seed that hurts others. If those added pieces were from an unhealed part of the listener’s past then that unhealthiness will be introduced into this relationship thus exacerbating problems. Everything is energy.
I am a licensed spiritual practitioner with the Centers for Spiritual Living, csl.org. In the 1990s the organization had non-accredited classes. One of them was about communication. I taught it and when I led this exercise it was eye opening. I whispered an event with some names and details into one person’s ear. Then that was whispered from one person to another until the final person said out loud what he or she heard. There was barely any semblance of truth to what the original story was. Each person had heard what was not there and added to the story from their own thinking process.
This also happens when someone is operating at a higher than healthy level of stress. Stress distorts thoughts and perceptions and does not allow us to be present to hear accurately.
This is why I like talking with people and being in communities where there is a willingness to verify what they think they heard and there is a freedom to clarify what was heard. But most people just hear what they hear, judge what they judge and move on thinking that they have accurately perceived the truth. Thus problems are propagated and the Universal Value of Unity is not upheld becoming, instead, an ego-driven value of separation.
What to do
When an atmosphere of effective communication has been established then defenses are dropped and hearts connect. Verify and clarify are important qualities to have in healthy effective communication between people. And, all it takes is an intent to connect with someone underneath the facade of life. There are specific skills that can be utilized and styles of communication that promote healthy and effective communication thus healthy and effective relationships.
Effective communication is a necessary topic that leads to an effective atmosphere to get things done in groups, businesses and communities.
There is a plethora of detail that I could write about this subject. And that is beyond the scope of one blogpost. I am attempting to present bites at a time so that the blogpost does not become a dry research paper 🙂
Some other blogposts about this topic: