Gossip & Effective Communication

gossip

Gossiping

 

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.        ~  Miguel Angel Ruiz, a great book ‘The Four Agreements’

(Some of you may read between the lines.)

I was extremely fortunate that once I had moved back from living in other countries being an engineer that I was referred to an incredible teacher, Frank Natale, who shattered my reality as I knew it; in good ways. He took people into the depths of their being and experiences beyond anything anyone could have imagined and beyond any teacher I have met to date… for those who were willing. It was all about being authentic to oneself, going into the depths of your own inner matrix and discovering who you are from the inside out. At times I consider it was boot camp for my soul… and just as tough with the best rewards ever.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from Frank was about gossip and effective communication. His trainings were experiential so he would set up exercises for you to learn lessons directly with the other participants. We learned the truth about the intent, behavior and content of gossip. And we learned what it says about the nature of the gossiper. These struck me deeply and altered the way I communicate with people, permanently. Thankfully this was when I was in my twenties.

Gossip is not the Truth

A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as they run.       ~  Ouida

The first thing to learn is that once one person tells a story to someone then that person says it to a second person then it goes to a third person and by now the content is different from what was first said. It begins to barely resemble the original story and will soon become a pack of lies. For the most part gossip is built on lies by the time you hear it. I have done this when I taught Effective Communication classes in business and spiritual centers and it always occurs.

gossip hurtsGossip operates with peoples’ unclean energies

Good gossip is just what’s going on. Bad gossip is stuff that is salacious, mean, and bitchy; the kind most people really enjoy.        ~  Liz Smith

The biggest lessons involved the ones learned by the heart and mind through those experiences. The personal energies involved in gossip are not clean. Think about the intent of someone who says bad things about someone else, especially if they never intend to resolve it to their face. Could there be anything positive that comes from talking about someone rather than talking directly to them? I know many people who walk away from gossip including myself. A person who gossips likes to work with negative energies. Like attracts like.

Gossiper’s intent

Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a Gossip.        ~  Richard Steele

If someone desires resolution then they do what is necessary to resolve things. When someone desires to harm someone else they do what is necessary to do so. Therefore the intent of the person who gossips is clear… it is a negative intent that comes from one’s own malice in her own heart.

Gossip is a Behavior

He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.        ~  Mark Twain

The other thing to know about gossip is that if you listen to a person gossip about someone then you can bet your bottom dollar that when you walk away that same person will be gossiping about you to someone else. Gossip is a learned behavior. If a person gossips it is the way they have learned to do so. The good news is that we can always change our behavior once we become aware of it and desire to be better and better human beings.

Positive Facades are a dead giveawayGossip hurts

A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.        ~  Billy Graham

Another truth is that those who you meet who claim to function effectively in a positive bubble are quite often the ones who have the most malicious intent in their hearts. These are the rosey optimists who have a nice façade but you do not dare want to go deeper and find the energy underneath. This is only natural. Life is about highs and lows and our control is in perceiving them and adapting appropriately. Those who think that their lives should be just positive do not handle criticism or feedback… therefore it builds up and becomes malice. This can be a result of some kind of substance abuse that is not fully healed.

Requirements for resolution

To resolve something with another person there are 3 basic requirements:

  1. Both people must be willing which means adjusting one’s personal frequency to the frequency of resolution
  2. Both people must talk to each other not about each other
  3. Both people must be willing to own their own truth in the matter and to listen to the other person’s truth in order to learn from it

Gossip does not solve anything since it is never addressed to the person for whom it would make a difference. It can never ever lead to resolution. Never! It exists at the frequency of ill intent towards others.

The Golden RuleGreat Rule

There is a great rule to follow:  Do not say anything about someone else that you have not or will not discuss with them. This takes the negative intent out of your communication.

I know that for me, having worked in global corporations and other companies after having this training I was not someone to hang out at the water cooler, so to speak. I adopted a habit of finding ways to excuse myself when someone would start to gossip. That is when I developed my internal points of reference where I could detect the energy of someone’s communication and tell if it was gossip as they began to talk. I have been known to just walk away. I do not choose to be in that energy and to facilitate malicious intent. It is under my conscious choice and control.

I know that through the years I have slipped at times and corrected myself. And I know that I have picked up the phone at times to speak directly with someone who was important to me to understand what I was hearing. Sometimes these became a great clearing leading to a closer connection with someone. This is an adopted behavior that has helped me to find authentic people to play with in life. It has made for less quantity of friends but much better quality of friends; people who are willing to be real with each other with minimal facades and use clear, honest and effective communication.

The Truth is always revealed about the Gossiper    Truth wins out

What I do know is that when there is gossip, give it enough time and quite often you will hear the truth about the originator of the gossip and witness how their malicious intent will come to the surface. Keep watching. The truth always surfaces. That is a law of life.

Note: I never have claimed nor will I ever claim to be perfect in everyone’s eyes. I do not desire to be that perfect presenter who claims no problems in life. My goal is to be authentic and to do my best to help others grow from my multidisciplinary trainings as a teacher. Therefore, as a teacher my life is transparent to those who desire to grow with me. Contact me if you hear something and desire clarity.

Very sincerely,

Lamar

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